Husband on work trip in Boston demands wife wake up 3-year-old toddler at 11 PM so he can talk to her, wife refuses: 'No one wants to talk to my 3 year old at 11pm'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 29, 2025 10:00 PM EST

Toddlers have specific bedtimes. If you're not a parent yourself, you definitely remember this from when you were a kid. I raged against my bedtime almost every night. But it's important that children have a routine. It's one of the most fundamental parts of raising a child. They need a structure to hold them to prevent them from going off the rails. And you know what it's like when a toddler goes off the rails. It's not pretty, and nobody wants to be around for it. That's why keeping a similar bedtime every night is crucial. It also ensures that they're getting enough sleep. A sleep-deprived toddler? That's one of the most dangerous animals on the planet. 

On the other hand, adult life is chaotic. You might not always be in the same time zone as your kid. Does this entitle you to a phone call with them, no matter what time it is? That's the question this family was debating when the father was away on a business trip. He wanted some phone time with his precious child, but the mom thought it was too late. 

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  • A tired mom looks at her phone on the couch.
    via Unsplash+ (Curated Lifestyle)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • It's a classic tale of a lack of communication. Everybody was saying what they wanted, but nobody could empathize and really feel what the other person was feeling. So commenters weighed in to give their thoughts on the situation. Read on to see what happened and see what you think about it. 

  • Am I wrong for not keeping our daughter up so that my husband could video call her while he's away?

    Hi, I've been conflicted about this, since last night, I've been feeling guilty but also I'm not sure if I'm totally in the wrong so I wanted some perspective. My husband has had to go to Seattle this week due to work (we live in Boston, so he's a 3 hours behind us). He flew there on Sunday.
    via u/Accurate_Scale8379
  • He'd told me he'd call when he gets done with work and their post-work lunch. He couldnt give a fixed time because apparently theres been some transition or acquisition happening, its been hectic for him, so he doesn't know when the day will end for him.
    via u/Accurate_Scale8379
  • He called me around 11 pm EST. We talked for a while I asked how his day had been he said it had been a long one. He then asked to see our daughter (she's 3). I told him it was 11 here, she was asleep. He got a bit short with me, said he'd told me he was going to call, that I could have kept her up or given her a nap
    via u/Accurate_Scale8379
  • earlier. I told him she had taken a short nap earlier but at 11, she goes to sleep regardless, and that I had no idea when he'd actually call. He just shook his head with very clear disappointment and said that after a long day he really wanted to talk to her and I could've been more considerate.
    via u/Accurate_Scale8379
  • This part stung me because they both are really close to each other, he adores her, and she too is a total daddy's girl. I again said I'm sorry but I had no idea when he would call, if he'd given me some sort of tentative time even that would've helped. We kind of ended the call soon after. Ive been thinking about this all day and been conflicted. AITA?
    via u/Accurate_Scale8379
  • Adding this now: He just texted and said he meant to call during lunch break but got taken out by some executives for lunch. He said he'll call when he gets done at 5 pm his time, so 8 pm ours. I told him that works great.
    via u/Accurate_Scale8379
  • A stressed out dad talks on the phone.
    via sarah b

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters agreed that this was an unrealistic ask.

    yellowjacket1996 · 18h ago NTA. Him wanting you to wake up a three year old and deal with a cranky toddler isn't considerate.
    via u/yellowjacket1996
  • underwaterchem... . 18h ago So you're supposed to deal with a cranky toddler who didn't get enough sleep because your husband can't tell you when he will call? NTA obviously
    via u/underwaterchemist
  • mrsthibeault • 18h ago . No one wants to talk to my 3 year old at 11pm. If she is up at 11, no one is having a good time. Nta.
    via u/mrsthibeault
  • Discount_Mithral 18h ago • Eww, OP - this is disgusting behavior. As a family law paralegal, this is a huge red flag for me. If he can't understand a 3yo is fast asleep at 11pm, and then gets mad at you for not waking her up or keeping her up, I worry about the rest of his parenting choices. What kind of conversation is an overly tired 3yo going to give him?
    via u/Discount_Mithral
  • J... • 18h ago 18h ago Edited 18h ago NTA. 11pm is late for a toddler. Your daughter is not your husband's *emotional support animal.
    via u/JullabyBye
  • Eternalthursday1... .18h ago He's being ridiculous. Keeping a 3 year old up until 11 just in case he calls is not a reasonable option. Videos sent to/from the kids work better for us when one spouse is traveling.
    via u/Eternalthursday1976
  • speakeasy12345 · 18h ago Is there a reason he can't call in the morning before he starts his day? With the time difference it is likely she will be up well before his work day starts.
    via u/speakeasy12345
  • . heepwah 18h ago NTA. She's 3 for goodness sake. He needs to try to arrange an earlier break to call at a suitable time.
    via u/heepwah
  • ABK1970 · 18h ago . NTA. A 3 year old needs a proper and consistent bedtime. If he needs to see her, he can duck out of his meeting/lunch/whatever to video call.
    via u/ABK1970
  • Uubilicious_The_... • 18h ago What on earth??!! When myself or my partner have. been away then we know what time bedtime is and we make sure to call before then. If we can't then we accept that and try to do better the next day. Often. even calling in the morning.
    via u/Uubilicious_The_Wise
  • You're NTA at all here. Your husband might be upset but he can't seriously expect you to keep your daughter awake until after 11pm so he can speak with her. I'd be livid if my spouse did that
    via u/Uubilicious_The_Wise
  • Rubycon 18h ago NTA not sure why a grown man wants his sleeping 3 year old to be woken up for a "conversation" at nearly midnight. He is a parent and should be more mature than the sleeping toddler.
    via u/Rubycon_
  • anxiousveggie13 18h ago. . NTA, he is TA for thinking its okay to wake up a sleeping 3 year old at 11pm. Why would he put his own mental state above your daughter's mental state and health? AND yours for having to deal with a disregulated toddler after all that?
    via u/anxiousveggie13
  • hoppeeex · 18h ago NTA. He should understand and respect the fact HIS DAUGHTER is young and needs structure. Working seems to be his priority.
    via u/hoppeeex
  • • TA_40BVI 18h ago NTA. Waking up a 3 year old in the middle of the night for a phone call feels over the top. Sometimes it's hard enough to get them to sleep the first time. For him to put his own wants over the needs of his child is very selfish.
    via u/TA_40BVI
  • anditurnedaround 18h ago NTA 11 is really late for a 3 year old. Not To mention how cranky she might be if you tried to keep her up. She need to have a good sleep schedule. So if daddy
    via u/anditurnedaround
  • really wants to talk to her, take a 10 min break and call around bedtime. He still called you at 8pm His time so he had dinner and did his own thing first most likely.
    via u/anditurnedaround
  • Yungeel 18h ago NTA - 11pm is wayyy past normal bedtime for a toddler. No one's waking up my 3 yr old unless someone is bleeding out. Have him video call in the morning.
    via u/Yungeel

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